1 00:00:44,599 --> 00:00:46,300 I don't know why I'm laughing. 2 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:48,560 I've got a sore head. 3 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,120 Oh, think of my mother. 4 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,660 Oh, look at that. 5 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,240 I've been getting these terrible bad dreams. 6 00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:09,030 I dreamt the other night I was plucking a chicken. 7 00:01:11,090 --> 00:01:13,990 And I woke up next morning and the wife was bored. 8 00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:20,170 Oh, dear. 9 00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:24,850 What a wonderful day it's been, hasn't it? 10 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,770 It's been 70 degrees in the shade. 11 00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:29,070 I was clever, I stayed in the sun. 12 00:01:32,690 --> 00:01:35,810 I did a little bit of sunbathing. I was lying out there today. 13 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,880 A little boy crept across me and he put something all over my back. 14 00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,660 He said, this will make you brown. 15 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,140 I said, what is it? He said, gravy. 16 00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:46,460 That's the thing about it. 17 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:53,880 I feel like I fell off a wedding cake. 18 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:04,420 When you walk through the storm... Keep your 19 00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:05,420 head up high. 20 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:07,730 I did that. 21 00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,150 And I fell in a puddle. 22 00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:15,290 I played golf the other day. 23 00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,590 Got a hole in one. The other sock was perfect. 24 00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:24,070 And I'm standing there with a golf club like that. 25 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,650 I'm standing there like that, see? 26 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,340 And they said, keep your eye on the ball. 27 00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:43,280 Keep your eye on it. That's what they tell you. Keep your eye on the ball. 28 00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:46,980 And I locked up, and somebody pinched a trolley. 29 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:57,100 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you Percy and his performing 30 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,100 from Clapham. 31 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:01,638 Hold it! 32 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,900 Hold it! Hold it! 33 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:06,000 Tom! No performing dogs in my crypt. 34 00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:08,910 Oh, well, you see, personally, he owed me some money, you see. 35 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:13,710 And he couldn't pay me, so he gave me his dog act. 36 00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:15,870 Have you ever seen these dogs before? 37 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:17,470 No, but I know their names personally. 38 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,670 Well, thank heavens for that. Yes, I know their names. There's Bonzo. He goes 39 00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:21,670 through that tube, see? 40 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:25,030 Yes. Right through there like that. And there's Prince and Duke. They rub up 41 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,890 there like that. And down there, takes the board, just do it with the mouth. I 42 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:31,130 haven't done it again. And the other three like that do flips like that. 43 00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:34,070 Terrific. And Henry. Henry. Fantastic. 44 00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:35,330 Yes, what's he doing? 45 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,470 Add that sum together. Get the total. Yes. 46 00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:41,150 And then we skip together. 47 00:03:41,450 --> 00:03:43,870 Good. This I have to see. Can I announce them? 48 00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:47,730 Certainly. Ladies and gentlemen, Percy's performing dog from Clapham. 49 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,160 Who said I knew it was a dog? 50 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,660 I'll do the sub. All right, then. 51 00:04:49,780 --> 00:04:55,240 All right, here we go. 52 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:03,320 Waiter. 53 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,320 Yes, sir. Any danger of any service? 54 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,840 I'm sorry, but I've just come on duty, sir. 55 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:18,070 I wonder if you'd like to look at the menu while you order some drinks. 56 00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:22,810 We'll have two gin and tonics, and don't take all night about it. 57 00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:25,870 I know that menu off by heart, you know. I can tell you exactly what's for 58 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:28,250 starters, what's for main course, and what's for sweets. I don't need to know. 59 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,030 You have what you like. You can have the caviar, you can have the smoked salmon, 60 00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,950 you can have the salad and east wide, anything you like. 61 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,940 Oh, you're not going to worry about that here, sir. 62 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,580 April is over. There isn't an hour in the month. Well, it doesn't matter here, 63 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,160 sir, because April follows Ray, Rune, and Realize. 64 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,800 I don't want any funny remarks. Just service. 65 00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:17,700 Yes, sir. I wonder if the madam would like some prawns in aspect. 66 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,160 I'll say what we're going to have. Oh, no, dear, he's only trying to be honest. 67 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,220 You shut it. You're pushing the leftovers on us. I know. 68 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,210 No wonder all the waiters are foreign. English waiters are diabolical. It is 69 00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:30,110 typical of them. They give you no service, and they want a whacking great 70 00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:32,830 the end of a long drink of water like this. All that's going to do anything 71 00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:36,090 me. I eat here regularly. I not only eat here, I eat in every restaurant. Not 72 00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,190 only the big ones, the little ones, every one. It's in my job. 73 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,260 these things on the table and you have to throw my wine glass. 74 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,620 Get me another one. 75 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,020 Are those out of the friendly room? 76 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,600 Get it yourself. 77 00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:19,500 Well, mate. 78 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:21,280 Waiter, waiter. 79 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,780 Luke, I owe you an apology. I was a bit rude earlier on. 80 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,060 You know he didn't mean it. 81 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,340 Shotted, shotted. 82 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,440 You're doing a grand job, lad, and we will have the oysters. 83 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,880 Ah, right, thank you. 84 00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:38,060 There you are! 85 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,560 Where's my wine glass? 86 00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:43,240 You want some wine, sir? Wine? I have some wine. I want my wine glass. 87 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,200 Would you like some oysters, sir? Oysters? 88 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,920 Oysters? Who's talking about oysters? There's no hour in the month. I just 89 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,240 my wine glass. Get me my wine glass, you swine! 90 00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:56,420 Certainly, sir. 91 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,180 The swine will get in your wine glass. 92 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,560 Straight away, sir. 93 00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,380 The swine will get in your wine glass. 94 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,460 The swine will get in your wine glass! 95 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:23,660 Now, look here. As far as I'm concerned, your 96 00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:26,100 reputation as a high -class restaurant is over. I... 97 00:08:26,350 --> 00:08:29,590 I don't know whether you are aware who I am, but you soon will be. Here is my 98 00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:30,830 card. Come on, June. 99 00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:34,270 Come on. 100 00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:40,710 Do you know who that was? 101 00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:41,929 No idea. 102 00:08:42,169 --> 00:08:44,010 That was Sir Parsimony Fry. 103 00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:46,270 The international gourmet. 104 00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:47,530 That's who that was. 105 00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:48,730 Parsimony Fry? Yes. 106 00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:50,130 Well, I didn't know that. 107 00:08:50,870 --> 00:08:52,310 I got all confused, you see. 108 00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:55,750 Because all this is going on is because I thought this was... 109 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,100 The nursery where I had to be nice. And then there was a nursery where I could 110 00:08:59,100 --> 00:08:59,859 be nasty. 111 00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,760 You know what I mean? And I got confused. 112 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,400 And I was nasty in both rooms, you see. 113 00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,060 Shut up! 114 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:09,440 You're fired! 115 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,840 Yes. No. 116 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:14,800 In here. 117 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:21,900 Now then, once and for all, Cooper, in here you can do what you like. 118 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,680 are the one and only Frank Sinatra. 119 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:56,320 Look down, look down, that lonesome road before 120 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,260 you travel on. 121 00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:05,970 Make your maker! 122 00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:07,410 Stop. 123 00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:25,310 I'm singing in the rain. Singing in the rain. I'm singing in the rain. 124 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,250 That's nothing to do with it. 125 00:10:36,590 --> 00:10:38,810 Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to do something serious for you now. 126 00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:46,830 It's a one -man theatre in which I play 400 different people. 127 00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:50,970 But luckily, 398 are not in this scene. 128 00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:54,470 Just him and him. 129 00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,230 The scene is 1941. 130 00:11:05,450 --> 00:11:06,450 Something else come on. 131 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:12,210 The scene is 1941, the prisoner of war camp in the Rhine. 132 00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,510 And they're all wearing Rhine coats. 133 00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:27,070 And... The leader of the British is the 134 00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:30,730 officer, Captain... Creepy. 135 00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:35,150 He's one of the real... 136 00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:36,520 Dempsey Creamleys. 137 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,640 And he's face to face with that brutal Cap Combinant. 138 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,280 Hans Neeson and Boomsities. 139 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,300 Captain. 140 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:00,520 Captain. 141 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,580 Yesterday, there were 200 prisoners. 142 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,080 In the camp. 143 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,960 Today, 10 ,000. 144 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,260 Why is this? 145 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,840 We built our escape on the back of the front. 146 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,200 Silence! Silence! 147 00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,150 I lost a leg in Tobruk. 148 00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:38,710 Well, I haven't got it. 149 00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:45,790 Silence! 150 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:48,510 Silence! 151 00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:49,830 I thought it was me eye. 152 00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:33,090 which stand for... These 153 00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:39,630 initials are the initials of the dreaded 154 00:13:39,630 --> 00:13:44,290 organisation which these initials stand for. 155 00:14:09,119 --> 00:14:13,960 to teach you to have more... More... 156 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:18,680 To teach you to have... What? Yes, all right. 157 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,220 To teach you to have more respect in the future. 158 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,040 You will put on the blindfold. 159 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,840 I have one last request. 160 00:15:47,359 --> 00:15:48,359 Thank you. 161 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:19,920 I'm a sharpshooter now. 162 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,520 See the stands with the plates on there? Watch this very closely. 163 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,800 Here we go. 164 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:27,800 You know the shirt trick? 165 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:29,319 Not offhand. 166 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,320 Not offhand? 167 00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:33,340 Well, how would it be if I tried the shirt trick on you? 168 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,639 Why not? 169 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,380 All right. I will try the shirt trick on you. 170 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:45,040 Now, we've got to, uh... We've got to undo a few... He's very suave, isn't he? 171 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,260 Not for long, unless I can get these buttons undone. No, just... There we 172 00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:50,379 What are you trembling for? 173 00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:51,380 Trembling? 174 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,120 Okay? Yes. 175 00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,200 There you are. 176 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,360 Couple of buttons undone. 177 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,560 Oh, yes. 178 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,580 What are you doing? Trying to hypnotize me? 179 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:13,280 What is... There we are, I think. 180 00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:15,060 Oh, my goodness, we're not. 181 00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,060 One more. 182 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,800 The suspense is killing me. 183 00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:20,760 Are you watching this, ladies and gentlemen? 184 00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:42,029 do the shirt trick. 185 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,030 Are you prepared to do it? 186 00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:45,930 Well, as a matter of fact, I've done it a long, long time ago. No, no. Do you 187 00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:46,629 want to do it? 188 00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:48,550 Come on. I want you to do it. They want to do it. 189 00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:50,190 Ladies and gentlemen, do you want to do it? 190 00:18:52,470 --> 00:18:53,490 No, you don't. 191 00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:57,830 Your fans demand that you do the shirt trick. You don't want to see me do it, 192 00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:58,830 you? Yes, you do. 193 00:19:00,010 --> 00:19:01,010 All we want... You don't. 194 00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,290 Why? 195 00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:05,910 All we want is a volunteer from the audience. 196 00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:07,610 What about you, sir? 197 00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:20,959 Henry Cooper. 198 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,920 Henry Cooper. It's Gladys' boy. 199 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,200 Now, Tommy, you've got the chap here. Can I leave you to it? 200 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:32,940 To do the shirt trick? Yes, all right. Ladies and gentlemen, that popular duo, 201 00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:37,480 Tommy Cooper and Henry Cooper, the ex -heavyweight champion in... 202 00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:11,990 Yeah, I know. 203 00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:15,110 I mean, I come from a long line of boxers. Yeah? 204 00:20:15,770 --> 00:20:17,530 Except my father is a cocker spaniel. 205 00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:25,670 Do you know, I was in the ring much with Cassius Clay. 206 00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:27,890 Go on. No, really, all my life. I was, yes. 207 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,310 And I got him worried. 208 00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:31,049 I did. 209 00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:32,430 He thought he'd kill me. Go on. 210 00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:41,610 And I was like that. Like that. 211 00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:51,150 I just have to do that. 212 00:20:51,470 --> 00:20:52,470 I've got to do the shirt. 213 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:56,250 You don't know what it is, do you? I don't. Well, I'll show you. Well, could 214 00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:58,290 just be so kind and do your bows there? Look. 215 00:20:58,490 --> 00:20:59,490 I'll do that. 216 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,690 Because you're not trim, you know. No, I'm not trim. I'm one. 217 00:21:04,050 --> 00:21:05,049 Yes, that's right. 218 00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,050 Have you done those? 219 00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,590 Yeah. Right, I'll just take your tie. 220 00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:09,660 Yeah. It's a good tie, isn't it? Oh, it's very nice. 221 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,220 Shall I do it, mate? Yeah, it's all right, then. 222 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:15,720 Thank you. 223 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,420 Undo the buttons, will you? Undo the buttons. Yes, that's all right. 224 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,240 There's a ripple coming up, Roy. 225 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:43,720 Right, right. 226 00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:48,980 Now, I'm going to do... I'm going to do exactly what you've just seen. 227 00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:50,880 I'm going to take your shirt off. 228 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:54,520 It's an handmade shirt. I'm going to take it off without taking the coat off. 229 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,060 Right? I haven't done this for a long time. 230 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,400 How long?